Author’s note: I’ve debated about even putting up this post, as I can’t tell if it’s simply being whiny, or whether it’ll do what it’s intended to do… and that’s to pose the question: Are men simply more drawn to getting naked than women?
I’m slowly coming around to the reality that our annual summer nakation plans may not actually happen this year. We had designs on exploring naked Portugal and southern Spain this year, as well as tentative dates to spend a couple weeks on Corsica – one of our all-time favorite naturist destinations. Don’t get me wrong! We’re in a world crisis right now, and feeling bluesy about missing out on leisure travel is hardly a cause, especially living near New Jersey and New York where people are losing their jobs, and in some cases, their loved ones. Just acknowledging that I know the topic of this blog post is inherently petty.
That said and done, my young adult daughter taught us the word dysthymia last night at the dinner table – the condition of persistent mild depression. We all exchanged knowing glances with consensus, “Yup! That’s it. That’s what I’m feeling right now.” I think in the case of the current circumstance, it’s not only the fact that we’re on day 30-whatever of social distancing, but that there’s no tangible end in sight. No identifiable time when going to the grocery store will become a non-event, or work meetings will be in real time with real humans. And even with all the incentive deals and flexible bookings, it seems something between foolish and self-serving to be booking future travel right now. We’re in a state of perpetual inertia.
That’s where the petty part comes in. Inert and naked sounds a lot like the best parts of a nakation. But at times like this, every daily routine is under revision, including who’s in the house (everybody), and when (always), and how that resembles a naturist holiday. (At the moment, hardly at all.)
I think I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts that while naturism has been a shared value within our family (See our naturist story here), the degree to which nakedness occurs in our home varies from one family member to the next. As seems to be the case in most households, I’m the stereotypical dad who doffs his clothes whenever it’s viable to do so, while my wife is more of a nakation naturist. That is, once we set foot on Ile du Levant or any European naturist resort, her clothes come off for the duration, provided the weather is conducive.
While growing up, our kids were someplace in between those two norms, with no qualms about getting naked at the La Jenny pool, but more likely than not to cover up when wandering about the expansive grounds of a naturist resort. By contrast, I recently met a family from the Midwest that lives naked pretty much all of the time while at home. That has never been the pattern for our family, as our kids were drawn to an unspoken policy that would have read something like “Naked in Croatia any time; clothed in the US all the time.” These days, when the kids come home as adults, everyone knows what to wear in the hot tub (Nothing!), but even for my own spouse, most home nudity ends there.
I have read so many social media profiles over the years that lead out with “my wife lets me be naked at home.” Sort of a regulatory kind of arrangement that implies some level of agreement or concession. Thankfully, that is not the arrangement in our household. My spouse has never allowed me to be naked; she simply has come to expect that if I have the opportunity to do so, I will remove my clothing. Hot tub opens and she’s naked in a heartbeat as well, but it simply “isn’t pragmatic to be naked around the house.” Daily life is not a nakation, even during forced isolation, and daily life is simply more easily executed when clothed.
My limited and unscientific research shows that naked at home seems to be predominantly a guy thing! Where does that come from? I’m well aware there are some avid female bloggers out there who prefer clothes-free living as well, but they are clearly the exception rather to the rule. I can certainly understand why a woman is reluctant to participate in a heavily male-dominated Twitter thread about social nudity, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a profile or a rant from a male partner who reports “my wife always insists on being naked at home.” Ever.
I am well aware of the many arguments related to the unceasing and relentless objectification of women, and would never want to diminish the gravity of any of that. And being the geeky academic type that I am, I’ve read a lot of the research related to perceptions of nudity in the modern age, and in particular, how our opinions and ideals have been shaped by a chaotic mix of commercialism colliding with religious mores.
But what does all that mean for those of us in long-term, committed relationships? (I’ll leave the naked around the children debate for another time.) In this age of rampant internet pornography, and the inundation of seductive advertising, is it even necessary to rationalize the case for casual nudity at home? And why is it even remotely peculiar for partners to be naked around the house? (See: Social Nudity in the Age of Casual Sex)
Where we live, the days and evenings will start warming up soon. We have a nice assortment of patio heaters that make our porch naked friendly several weeks before the weather is compliant. Last night in the hot tub, my wife and I were speculating on whether summer travel, even if possible, would be a prudent idea, which led to my saying something like, “I don’t think I mind the idea of a staycation, but I am already grieving the potential loss of our nakation. Does staying home simply mean that we cut our our mutual naked time this summer?” Our porch has always been a clothing-optional zone, and I have no hesitation of exploiting that, but social nudity is not quite social… nudity… if you’re the only one naked.
So, let me hear from you readers! Especially those of you who have long embraced clothing optional travel. Do the same rules apply at home? Is the man always naked at home? How about the woman? Is this a collective endeavor in your domicile? Or is naked something that only happens on a distant naturist beach in the dog days of summer.
There are a lot of you following this blog – Post a comment below or email Naturist Dan and maybe I can generate a follow-up post that asks fewer questions and provides more answers. Perhaps we’ll find that we’re entering an era where naked is the new normal.
That’s it for now. Gonna go take my clothes off and start my day.
Hi Dan,
Enjoy your blog…great commentary each and every time. Was wondering what your thoughts are regarding nudism and ostomy bags. I’ve enjoyed social nudism with my wife for a number of years visiting locales like Club Orient, La Jenny, Mira Vista, and Cypress Cove. Now I have bladder cancer and will be undergoing radical cystectomy in the near future and will come out with a urostomy pouch. I once recall seeing a man walking along the Club Orient beach with an ostomy bag and wondering at the time what is was exactly. Now I’m concerned I may repulse people as a bag man. Thoughts?
Thanks,
Mike Meis
Hi Mike. You emailed a few days ago, but I never finished the response. Will get back to that an post my thoughts here later today. Short answer! Choose the right place and is simply won’t matter!
MIke, I appreciated reading your question. I was facing prostate surgery a couple of months ago, and the surgeon told me that a urostomy pouch might be something that I’d live with for the rest of my life. As a guy who likes to get naked socially, I was appalled at the thought, so I can understand your concern. N: Nude and Natural, 36.3 (Spring 2017) includes an article by a fellow from Madison, Wisconsin, a nudist who has NOT let his urostomy pouch interfere with with his naturist activities. I commend it to you.
BTW, my prostate surgery was largely successful: but it did make me much more sensitive to one more area in which, as nudists, we learn to accept the bodies that we have, modified medically as they may be; and to challenge those we encounter to accept them as well.
Power to you: and to all readers who have bodies that may be less than ideal, but are nonetheless alive, and let us enjoy the sun … all over.
Allen
Thanks for your note, and for your candor. Sounds like a really challenging time. Congrats on powering through it all.
As to what is likely to repulse people, I’ve often wondered about that concept, not just as it pertains to nudity, (and bodily abnormalities, as it were,) but in general. When I see someone in the grocery store with a face disfigurement due to a fire or car accident, it’s difficult not to look just in an effort to figure out what might have happened, and how they survived. I think humans are simply curious like that, even if the curiosity if grounded in genuine compassion. But I’ve often imagined what that would feel like to be that person, and how one must grow weary of telling their story, or even more so, not having the opportunity to do so.
All that said, we have observed a greater sense of acceptability and understanding at French naturist places than anywhere else we’ve been. (And we’ve been to Club Orient perhaps 8 or 10 times, where I would say people would be less accepting, though that’s just a knee jerk reaction.) When our kids were growing up and we were taking them to La Jenny, one of the things that we most appreciated was seeing people (often the same families from year to the next) with disabilities, ranging from mastectomies to severe birth defects. For us and our kids it was actually a teachable moment, but again, it was in a place that really embraced family naturism and acceptance in general. Don’t know how that would play out on a beach in Florida or St. Martin.
Sorry to hear the diagnosis, Mike, but don’t let the bag put you off being who you are. Thats what I love about the naturist “family”..NO judgement. Yes, you’ll get the odd stare from those who don’t quite understand, but I guarantee you, everyone around you will be inwardly applauding your courage !
My ex wife and I were always nude around the house and allowed our kids to be nude or dressed as their own comfort allowed. We all enjoyed our pool and huge deck and patio nude. It was great times and had a very normal feel to it. When they were teens and early twenties there were times when some of their friends stopped by. Their friends saw us all nude many times but since they knew it was pretty much the way we lived it was never a problem.
lots of great points and as always enjoy the posts having been to several nude beaches and one nude resort in fla i have been to a few nude beaches in Spain but would like to spend some time at a European resort look forward to any updates thanks again
Thanks for following, Tim. And for taking the time to comment.
Honestly, you read my mind Dan. I did have such a discussion with my friends last year. And we couldn’t get to a conclusion. Why is it, that the level of comfort pertaining to naturism differs between genders? Ideally, our homes appear to be the safest place to live clothes-free, but it’s more likely for men to do so than women. All three of my female colleagues who had been to naturist trips and meet-ups, found it unusual to live clothes-free at home. But, that being said… Dan you might have to analyze this with a larger population of avid naturists to ascertain the claim..
I’ve been running a Twitter poll, which is decidedly slanted according to who follows naturism on Twitter, but with about an hour to go, the results are telling. About 700 responses – 40% “the man is nude,” 40% the couple is nude, 5% the woman is nude, 15% nobody is nude. I’m hoping the comment thread on this one will continue to tease this one out. I think it’s an intriguing topic.
Thanks for following my blog!
Since it’s Twitter, you will also find a lot of fake naturists i.e. they claim to follow clothes-free living on social media but for the wrong reasons. As for the case of 5% women, it looks correct. Even in families that don’t encourage naturism at all, the sight of a shirtless dad, could be a regular thing. That won’t be the case with women. Then with the current context, there is another angle to this according to a fellow naturist at my meet-up: Even in our homes, the smartphones and tablets lying around the house could be a little window to peeping Tom’s. She only goes nude in a beach filled with other real naturists but not at her home.
Thanks chiptunecyrus. I concur with everything you’ve said, especially that last part with the nude beach rationale – that totally checks out. What caught my eye, however, is how the numbers stacked up in general, with 38% in each “man alone” and “couple together” categories. I realize Twitter is a VERY unreliable source for real data, but I think the people who take time to click on a poll are probably pretty reliable, and after nearly 800 votes, the stats came out almost exactly as I had expected. Interesting.
After this long hiatus we have had to endure a getaway of any sort sounds wonderful
Agreed!
I have a poll running on this topic today on Twitter that I suspect will generate another blog post. If you’re on Twitter, please check out the poll and be counted. 🙂 https://twitter.com/Naturist_Dan
Morning. We are in total lockdown so going no where. Were scheduled to be in europe now but thanks to covid its shut. We are even at the point where returning residents are locked up by the government.
On the plus side, working at home removes the requirement for either of us to dress. Just have to remember to turn the camera off in meetings if we think people will be upset.
We are fortunate that we have sufficient space outside to continue our lifestyle easily. But weather is now getting on the cool side.
Would love to travel to some beaches in the northern hemisphere but I suspect that’s out of the question till at least next year.
Keep posting I love the blog
This topic has come up with my friends as well as on several boards I belong to. Everyone, everywhere seem to have observed the same thing. Guys like like wearing as little as possible. It seems to be across the board. Even guys who don’t consider themselves nudists like to take their pants off and walk around in their underwear. Wives and girlfriends roll their eyes and say things like, “I swear he’d walk around naked if he thought he could get away with it.” The wife/girlfriend ‘letting’ seems the rule, not the exception. “He insists on sleeping naked.” said with annoyance is another oft-heard comment.
I’ve heard/read countless stories over the years about how the most straitlaced straight men are all for being nude as long as they believe their wives/girlfriends won’t find out.
As for gay men, I can tell you that every one of my friends sleeps in the buff. Most have been to a nude beach at least once. If they take a shower they stay nude until they have a reason to dress. When I moved into my building the realtor (a late middle aged woman) volunteered that I’d only have block one side of my balcony to sit out there for an all-over tan. So apparently that was a question she was used to.
All of my most unscientifically collected data seems to point in the same direction: Pretty much all guys like being naked; how often they’re naked seems to depend on outside factors. It’s so pervasive one wonders if it’s hard-wired into our brains.
The question is why, if not hard-wiring.
Socialization is the most frequent reason given
– Guys tend to get exposed to more casual nudity (ex. locker rooms) than women when they’re growing up.
– Guys are are taught that a good physique and body confidence are good ways to attract women.
– Guys aren’t encouraged to be modest.
One last point: 99% of the time if you ask a guy why he likes being naked the first response is “It feels good.” Elaboration invariably starts with, “The boys like swinging in the breeze.”
I hope this helps a bit.
This is a GREAT response, and aligns exactly with my unscientific study! Interesting point that “guys aren’t encouraged to be modest.” Which in itself is a strange gender biased norm that I think we all know, but don’t really acknowledge.
I love the part about apartment shopping! More evidence that it IS a thing!
This subject is also on our list of possible “musings” blog posts, the ones in which so many different angles can be used that it’s impossible to write it as black and white.
One very important aspect is that “online nudism” is very much male dominant and we expect that many of the men who like to talk about nudism online are doing so because they can’t really talk about it at home. Which results of course in an overflow of men whose wife may or may not let them be nude at home.
Another aspect is that most naturists see naturism as something they do when they relax. Which brings us to the stereotype of “men come home from work, for women home is work”. Something that’s rooted so deeply into society that the feeling even exists in households where both do equally as much.
And then there’s a list of cultural, religious and social reasons why women should keep their bodies hidden. When a drunk guy gets on a table in a bar and drops his pants, most people will think it’s funny. It’s just a drunk guy.
When a woman does so… it’s better not to mention the possible names she will be called.
Gender Biased Norms: A teacher (a woman) I worked with chimed in during a discussion about parallel parking. She said, “Of course men parallel park better than women. Girls are raised to cooperate so when a new driver sees a parking space a foot longer than her car and expresses doubts about her ability to fit her car into it, her friends support her and advise her to find another spot. Whereas guys dare/challenge each other so the new male driver and his friends spend a half hour getting the car into the tight space. Fast forward to age 25 or 30 and the men have had much more practice than women at parallel parking. The men parallel park better because they’ve had more practice, not because they’re men.”
Makes me wonder how many things one gender does better (on average) than the other is due to this kind of thing and not gender itself.
Actually, I think that applies DIRECTLY to the naturist thing. This is not a biological thing, but a psychological thing. My friend Addie has been taking this all in and I think she’ll blog soon on the topic from the female perspective. I, along with my readers, eagerly await! 🙂
That’d be cool to read. This teacher maintained that gender superiority at x,y, or z IS true and it’s silly to think otherwise. BUT, BUT, BUT 99% of the time it’s because some outside factor affects one gender more than the other. Gender itself is not actually part of the equation. It’s group A vs group B. The group delineation just HAPPENS to be gender. It’s like the classic statistics example: in all temperate areas of the world per capita ice cream consumption and deaths by drowning move in lockstep with a crazy high correlation coefficient. What’s the connection? There isn’t one! When temps go up more people buy ice cream and more people go swimming. 🙂
Maybe our story helps.
My wife is reluctant to social nudity. Probably this is at least partially caused by past experiences. As a child her younger brother hid himself once under her night dress. It was just an innocent kids game, but her dad was upset when he saw this. He was not angry at his son for what he did, instead he was angry at his daughter for letting it happen. As an adult she has also been harassed once by a pervert.
So she has learnt not to expose her body to anyone except her husband to avoid unpleasant situations.
At home she prefers not to be nude as someone might ring on the door and it is inconvenient during her daytime activities.
Last year we visited a small clothing optional spa and she enjoyed it. We plan to do this again. I pray that she won’t suffer a bad voyeur or pervert experience during such future visits so she can be more confident that being nude is no threat.
Wow! A story more common than one would expect, I fear.
Wife and I truly hope that works out for you and her !! The joy of being socially nude with your partner is almost beyond description.
You are telling my / my wife’s story! She has mentioned that when she was growing up that her parents made her feel that nudity & sexuality was something that should happen ONLY between a man and his wife (and only if absolutely necessary?). She also has had her share of men blurting out very inappropriate comments or coming on to her at wedding receptions and other family gatherings (with all of her clothes ON, of course) and when it happened from in-laws or friends of the family, they’d later just shrug and say “I was drunk…” and she still wouldn’t get an apology. She has warmed up considerably to going to a resort (all thatwe know of are 2+ hours away by car) but she wouldn’t want to go if there was one right down the street, and we have visited one clothing optional beach in Hawaii and she loved just being topless since no one there knew us at all.
it will take some time but she will love it if she can just get relaxed enough my wife was real shy at first but now she has zero problem she has her clothes off before me when we go to beach or resorts ha
Hi, I just stumbled upon this post and thought I could give some input and maybe some shed some light over the situation for younger couples. Me and my girlfriend are 26-25 and we have been naturists since we were maybe 17-18, we visit beaches and camp sites etc, and we both spend most time nude at home. So maybe the situation is evolving from being just the man to get naked at home. Cheers.
Actually I think you’re right! We seem to be seeing that trend become reality, especially in Europe. Fingers crossed.
Thanks for weighing in! 🙂